My Two Aunties

My two aunties are nasty and mean

They’re the wickedest aunties I ever have seen!

 

These two aunties, so filthy and foul,

They change my smile into a scowl!

When happy they are known to growl,

When with them I am sure to howl!

 

These aunties are horrid, I don’t know why!

If they hold a baby, I’m sure it would cry!

Smelling them makes me want to die.

Seeing them makes me want to say good-bye.

 

Of all bad manners, theirs stink the most!

They’re always rude when I’m the host.

They never say thank you, they never say please,

They love to scare me, prank, and tease!

 

They’re said to despise little kittens, I think;

They only like slimy creatures that stink!

And they do not like kids, or so I am told,

‘Cause kids are much sweeter than those who are old!

 

This one fact is true, anyone can agree:

Of all little kids, they especially hate me!

They make me do their dirty chores,

And spank my bottom ‘til I’m sore!

 

These aunts are bullies, can’t you see?

They always chase and tickle me!

They like to sock me in the nose

And squirt me with the garden hose.

 

In whatever nasty place they might be,

They tend to be plotting against me.

They’re always someplace I can’t see,

Secretly planning their villainy!

 

If you think this will be fun,

I will now tell you secrets about each one!

 

Auntie Bea is really funky.

Her stench reminds me of a skunky.

Some people shower every day.

Not her, she likes to smell that way!

 

Auntie Aggie pretends to be good,

But this lie is a transparent hood!

She’s evil in ways she cannot disguise.

I see it in her beady eyes!

 

Auntie Bea drives so very fast,

When I ride with her, I know I won’t last!

Seeing her drive is a scary sight,

And riding with her is a dangerous plight!

 

Auntie Aggie is a thief,

She steals my toys and leaves me in grief!

She tells me it’s because I’m bad,

But really likes to make me sad!

 

No one can make me fret and stew

Like these mean old relatives do,

And no one can make me wet my pants

Like my scary, nasty, ugly old aunts.

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