Category Archives: Child Haters

Ayah, Amy, and Ms. Harquin

“Please don’t punish me!” Ayah whimpered.  “I’m the littlest orphan!  Ms. Harquin smiled wickedly.

“Are you saying an older orphan would be better suited to this punishment?” she asked with a simpery smile.  Ayah had learned not to disagree with her orphanage matron, but she nervously nodded her head yes.

“Oh?” Ms. Harquin replied, dangerously calm.  “But you’re the one who earned it, sweetheart!”

“I’m too little to do that kind of work!” protested Ayah.

“Not anymore!” said Ms. Harquin, cheerfully.  “Those candies you stole from me made you big and strong!” Ayah looked at Ms. Harquin blankly.

“I eat them all the time,” Ms. Harquin continued, chuckling.  “Why do you think I’m much bigger and stronger than all of you?”

“Because you’re older than us!” shouted Amy, coming in from doing her chores.

“Don’t listen to anything she says, Ayah!” Amy continued.   “Those candies didn’t make you big and strong!”  Ayah looked at her friend and pouted disappointedly.  “At least not big and strong enough to do this chore,” Amy quickly added.  Ayah’s pout did not go away.

“That’s the hardest, scariest chore in the orphanage, Ayah!” she protested.

“Alright, Amy, enough!” shouted Ms. Harquin.  “This is between me and Ayah!  It is none of your business!”

“Yes it is!” insisted Amy.  “Ayah’s too young for that kind of work, and I won’t let her do it!”

“Too young?!  Too young?!  Of course she’s too young!” stormed Ms. Harquin.  “There’s no way she’ll succeed!”

“I know!” cried Amy.  “But she might get hurt!”

“Trust me,” said Ms. Harquin.  “I’ll get her out of there before her life is in danger.  I’m not about to get in trouble for killing one of you orphans!”  Amy was about to cry.

“Don’t give me that!” sneered Ms. Harquin.  “I am teaching the child a lesson!  She’s going to try this task, and believe me, she’ll know not to steal candy from me when she’s failed enough times!”  Amy tried to run away, but Ms. Harquin called after her.

“Don’t even think of trying to help her!” she shouted.  “You’ll suffer a much worse punishment if you do!”  With that, she slammed the door as soon as Amy was out of the room.

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Something Else Child-Haters Do

  1. You can probably tell from my list of insulting names that in my opinion, child-haters have to think children stink, just like the title characters of Roald Dahl’s “The Witches.”
    1. Here are some examples from the movie version of this book:
      1. All the witches holding their noses and waving the smell away when Bruno Jenkins comes into the room.
      2. This quote by the Grand High Witch: “Before you go down to the dining room, don’t forget your nose plugs.  The dining room will be full of filthy little children, and without your nose plugs, the stink will be unbearable!”
      3. These quotes by the witches when they smell Luke: “Ugh!  The smell!”  “Oh, yuck!  I smell it as well!”
      4. The Grand High Witch sniffing the air and shouting, “She’s right!” when she smells Luke.
      5. The Grand High Witch holding her nose and pretending to play with a baby, then pushing his stroller down the hill.
      6. This quote by Luke’s grandmother: “To me, you smell of raspberries and cream!  But to a witch, you smell absolutely disgusting!”
      7. Then Luke smiles and eagerly says, “What kind of disgusting?”
    2. Here are some of my related thoughts on “The Witches” and other child-haters:
      1. I adored “The Witches” as a child, and I still do as an adult.  However, I’ve always had issue with the fact that in both the book and the movie, witches are said to hate all children, but they are only ever shown saying boys are smelly and disgusting.
      2. We all know boys are smelly and disgusting.  I think that’s part of what their mothers love about them.  That’s why it’s much funnier when someone thinks girls are smelly and disgusting!
      3. That’s why I like Miss Hannigan.  She’s possibly even more repulsed by girls than boys!
      4. I also like Miss Trunchbull, because in the book, she says bad girls are far more dangerous than bad boys!
      5. As a child, my wish to have these witches talk about how smelly and disgusting girls are led to me fantasizing about saving my best friend, a girl, from the witches, and hearing them say how smelly and disgusting she was.
      6. This was especially funny since my friend was and still is one of the fussiest people I know, who always smells like she just came out of the shower.
      7. This is one of the reasons why I want to create child-haters who make it clear that they hate little girls at least as much as little boys.

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Things Child-Haters Do

  1. What do child-haters absolutely HAVE to do?
    1. Destroy toys
      1. How can they do this?
      2. By twisting a doll’s head off
      3. By putting them in an incinerator
    2. What can make this extra terrible?
      1. The toy being a child’s comfort item
      2. The toy being a child’s only memory of his/her parents
      3. The toy being capable of coming to life.
    3. Punish children harshly and take pleasure in it
    4. How can they do this?
      1. By making them sleep in the basement
      2. By locking them in closets
    5. Hate all things good and nice
    6. Like what?
      1. Christmas.  Like the orphanage matron in “A Search For Santa Paws,” they can forbid anything Christmas related around the holidays, then call anything that magic, a kind supporting hero, or a child’s wit sneaks into the place “ridiculous” and/or a “mess.”
      2. Everything that makes little girls cute, like freckles and curly hair.  A child hater can want to rob little girls of these things until they are no long cute, cheerful little beings.  Like Miss Hannigan, they can want to “step on their freckles” and “straighten their curls.”  Maybe “chop of their pigtails” too, like Miss Trunchbull.
      3. All fun, colorful methods of learning like Miss Trunchbull.  The children and their nice teacher, just like Matilda, her friends, and Miss Honey, can hide all of these whenever the child-hater comes in.
    7. Taunt children about not being loved by their parents
    8. What if their parents are dead?
      1. Then the child-hater can taunt the children about never getting adopted like Medusa and the orphanage matron in “The Search For Santa Paws.”
      2. Then the child-hater can taunt the child about the death (or abandonment) or their parents being their fault.
    9. What if their parents are alive?
      1. Then the child-hater can say the parents are stupid or wrong to love them like Miss Trunchbull.
      2. Then the child-hater can try to convince the child that his or her parents don’t really love him/her, like the title character in “Hook.”
      3. Then the child-hater could tell the child how hard it is to believe that their parents would miss them if they were killed or taken away.
    10. Call children names
    11. Like what?
      1. All child-haters call kids “brats.”  Let’s think of something more creative!
      2. Foul, filthy, flatulent freak
      3. Tooth-picking toad-face
      4. Rat-kissing reek face
      5. Despicable, snickable stinkpot
      6. Worm-licking weasel beast
      7. Doo-doo eating dog breath
      8. Slug-slurping skunk bug
      9. Yucky, glucky oo-luh-rucky
      10. Fetid, flatulent piglet
      11. Putrid pig-slop pile
      12. Slime skinned stinker-bug

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